Sports and Life and Kindergarten

When the final buzzer sounded the scoreboard read 3-2, and while one team celebrated by mobbing their goalie in front of his net, the other stood around on the ice in front of their bench, bewildered perhaps, disappointed for certain, wanting nothing more than to leave the ice and retreat to the confines of the dressing room. But as is tradition, the players wait for the other team to finish celebrating the win, and then line up at centre ice to shake hands with each other, the sportsmanlike way to end a competition neither wanted to lose but only one was destined to win.

The boys lost their game Wednesday night, their 3rd in 4 nights thanks to an overtime tie on Sunday that forced an entire new game to be played the next night to determine who would advance to Wednesday’s game. In that replayed game, the boys dominated and had determination and fire and a purpose, and willed the outcome early on in the contest. Both teams were aware of what was at stake; lose and your playoffs would be over, win, and you continue to play towards the B-side final, where the eventual winner will face the A-side champs in a 3 game series.

It was not the same level of play or effort that they brought to Wednesday’s game, against a new opponent from the other city division, a team that had only won one game in the regular season, but which had already won 2 in the playoffs prior to this game. Overconfident? Perhaps. Tired? Maybe. Both likely played a factor to some degree, but I think the overwhelming determinant in the outcome was a team-wide indifference to the opponent. There was no history, no personal battles to overcome or settle between players, no grudge that pushes one to higher levels of performance to best the other. They didn’t win their final game, very few teams do, but they did have a successful season measured in terms of personal and team growth and especially in terms of friendships. Still, the season came to an abrupt end.

We accept that finality when we enroll our children in sports programs, that there will be winners and losers – there has to be in competition – even if you removed the scoreboard and told the kids the outcome of the game didn’t mean anything, that it was just for fun, they’d still know which side scored more often. It’s human nature to know. It’s encoded in our DNA from back when we had to outrun the lions for survival. You knew which side was winning or losing; you had to know, or you got eaten. Talk about losing.

But we also teach our children that sharing and getting along with others and being polite and considerate are important traits and values. We grade them accordingly on their kindergarten reports, and then somewhere along the line we blur the rules and values and introduce competition within that framework – a necessary tool for self growth, and for the advancement of society itself, and a natural trait shared by all species on this planet – and we heap praise on those who excel, and spend considerable time and money on those who fall a bit short of the expected means and norms, whether due to aptitude, motivation, or will.

Our societies require persons of all abilities and aptitudes to work together for the betterment of all, in whatever meaningful ways they can. There is a commonality of purpose that they should all benefit and be allowed to enjoy the same basic human rights and freedoms, with an expectation of fairness and justice that we first introduced as parents and reinforced in the school setting in those early years. But then we remember that other basic trait of human survival – competition, and when we throw in the element of greed, things start to get complicated. Everyone wants to win – ask the boy’s hockey team and their opponents. But winning fairly and winning justly are really what we want when we compete. Winning due to an unfair advantage isn’t sportsmanlike.

In sports we agree to a set of rules, and ensure we have competent referees on hand to enforce those rules. We also agree to the penalties meted out should those rules be broken. And then we compete. Yes there are risks involved. And sure the refs may make mistakes – they are human after all – but we teach the participants to respect the rules and the referees no matter the outcome, and as coaches and parents we further agree to provide the necessary guidance to help ensure this is done in a safe and fun environment to minimize the risks of injury involved. Is it perfect? No, but it does a pretty good job. And if necessary, the rules are tinkered with to perfect them and level any inequalities or to better suit the participants. We don’t let the important games get played without the rules or the referees – that’s just asking for trouble.

Ask those who have been foreclosed thanks to the Wall Street mortgage fiasco. Or those swindled by phony investment schemes and the con men that pedal them. Where are the values of being considerate and polite and getting along well with others in that context? Where’s the sportsmanship? At least in the kindergarten classroom we trusted that the teacher would be watching to ensure fairness and order prevailed. As adults we trust that we will deal with each other with that same intention. We should know better. Anyone who grew up with siblings knows Darwin was right – survival of the fittest is law. You learn fast to adapt and overcome in order to compete – whether it’s for the last piece of chocolate cake, or the front seat, or the bigger bedroom. Mom and dad can only referee for so long. Life isn’t fair no matter how much we delude ourselves that it should be, or can be. But should it be lived with an eye towards greater sportsmanship?

It takes time to perfect rules for any sport – any activity for that matter – its part of the human condition; we need boundaries and guidelines within which to operate. Part of that condition also acknowledges and requires consequences of action, Newton’s 3rd law of motion got that one right, but maybe what we also need is a shift in consciousness back towards the entire group as a whole. Maybe we got it more right back in kindergarten than we know.

Maybe we need to bring back Time Outs. At the very least let’s bring back Snack and Nap time.