Spring Storms

Stormy

Not once have I ever said I hate rain, even if it ruined plans, stopped a picnic, or just going to the playground to fool around. The way it's hits your window pane, the amazing feeling as it rushes down your face, or just the way it dances as it hits the ground. The way you can look up at the sky and see a million raindrops coming down. You can see the beautiful flashes of lightning and hear the huge bang of the thunder, you just stand there at the window as you count how long it takes for the second flash of light to come or skipping a heartbeat listening to the thunder shake you from under your feet. Everyone talks about dancing in the rain but no one truly does it. As I'm outside enjoying the whole experience of the peaceful silence, and finally letting all my thoughts run through my mind and singing my heart out because no one cares to listen, I look out at the street full of cars because people are so busy with their lives to remember to enjoy those little moments that make a life time worth living. As you sit there in your house warm and dry, I'll be outside letting my imagination explore and my heart flow and everything In between. Have fun for that little moment, I’ll let my hair down as it’s soaking wet, let my make up run down my cheeks and becoming so heavy I can barley move. I'll be in my flip flops and my blue shorts with the same old ripped up sweater from all the other times I decided to jump into deep puddles and become muddy because nothing else mattered at that moment. As you enjoy your life the way you want to through a window, I will enjoy mine through those hard, tough storms!

- Paige

A springtime Sunday morning, the house quiet and still again, Mother Nature brought back some cooler weather these last few days, reminding us that She really does have a sense of humour; those summer-like temps we had at the beginning of the week were a tease, the kind you pulled on the little brown-haired girl who sat in front of you in grade three because you knew you kinda liked her, and you waited for that eventual tease in return, a cat and mouse game children understand and naturally take to with ease.  Mother Nature is still a child at heart – she has to be – it’s 23 degrees out this morning and the furnace is quietly churning out comfort and heat, when the other day we considered turning on the air conditioning, and Tuesday evening we had a lovely, rare March thunderstorm, the kind normally reserved for summer, with purple clouds and bright streaks of yellow lightning and rolling thunder, the kind that makes you stop what you are doing and open the doors and head outside to experience it all firsthand.

You might have noticed the poetic musings of Paige at the top of today’s post, writing inspired by that same thunderstorm, her viewpoint coming from the heart of a 14 year old girl also making sense of her world these days.  I’ve been fortunate this week to have a number of conversations with her, in person and via text and email about life and beliefs and spirituality and everything that runs through our heads as we try to find where we fit into this constantly changing world.  And I’ve learned as much or more than I’ve taught and shared, the benefit of being a good listener and approaching any exchange of ideas with an open mind and an appetite for another perspective. 

Our children know far more than we give them credit for, and they understand things much more complex than we realize, some of it matter-of-factly in the way only children can, gleaning the true essence of concepts without the baggage of a lifetime’s worth of cluttered ideas and cynical jading.  True, context and application of concepts is required to move closer to actual understanding and mastery of ideas, but we shouldn’t be surprised that our kids have been paying attention and asking questions of their world, much like we did and still do.

Paige has the gift of insight already, and she’s able to communicate her ideas and her impressions of the world in a way that caught me off guard; unexpected to say the least, proud and extremely happy for her at the same time.  I coached her in hockey a few years ago and we had a connection – as a coach you try to reach every child to understand how to best provide them with the information they need to learn to play the game.  Some kids are eager students, some will only listen to their own mom or dad, and some take a while to warm up to your style and personality.  That’s just life. Paige and I clicked and bonded to the point where for the next few years when our hockey paths diverged and Riley played on different teams than her, if she saw me at the rink she’d run through and over people to come and give me a huge hug. We’d sit together at the games and catch up. She's a great kid and a good influence on me! 

She's had some troubles at school, bullies, mean girls, the whole teenage drama - she's a bit of a tomboy (hello? She plays boys hockey and loves to hit!) and so the girls had turned on her, and some of her guy friends had too - she's shared some of her experiences and feelings with me, and I've talked with her mom about the two of us keeping an open dialogue so she can express herself when she feels no one else is listening. She's turning a corner and finding her way back to who she used to be.

As parents we too often forget that our children are growing up everyday, changing and becoming who they will be, influenced by everything around them including us, and we may neglect to nurture that bond as closely as we once did, forgetting they still need that love and support in the most obvious ways, and that they need our ears much more now than ever before, but also our trust and compassion maybe even more.  But we know, as do they, that it’s a two way street, that we need their trust and compassion to do what we think is right and best in their interests as we make decisions that seem harsh and unfair, though guided by experience and wisdom – although we all know that will get called into question regardless. 

Will they make mistakes? Absolutely! That’s how they will learn the valuable life lessons – we can teach and preach and lecture as much as we want, and they may listen and hear and understand what we’re saying, but they will still need to experience it firsthand (sometimes more than once, sadly) in order to learn the lessons. That’s where their personal wisdom will come from.

Will we make mistakes as parents? You bet! We’re not perfect either, and that’s how we will learn, and how we will be able to become better parents as we grow and progress together with our children.  It takes strength and courage on both sides to get through the teenaged years without one or the other threatening to move out or be thrown out – that’s the way love goes – emotions, any emotions, are a sign of human connection with another, and a sign of the love we all share.

Be honest with your kids, let them see that you’re human, allow them into your world when they are ready and able to understand how and why you do what you do for them – they are likely figuring this out without your input right now – better you give them some of your own insight to guide their understanding, lest they write you off as being one dimensional and not engaged or interested in their problems and concerns. The sooner the better.  Worst case, they get distracted by the shiny objects while you’re talking with them, best case? You each learn a little more about each other.

Don’t watch your children’s lives from behind the glass, get out there with them in those puddles, splash around and let your guard down, enjoy who they are becoming and help them figure out the pieces and give them the space and time to get wet and dry off again.

A little rain never hurt anyone…

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Could you do me a favor?  Could you leave me your feedback on Paige’s writing?

I’d like to pass it on to her, to let her know your thoughts.  It would mean a lot to me, and be invaluable to her.  Thanks!