Words of Remembrance for Mother in Law

In this life you don't always get to choose how things play out.  And you never know what the future holds.  For us, 2013 has been one of those years that you won't soon forget - and so far it's been for sad, unfortunate, unplanned reasons.  Almost exactly 3 months after my writing and presenting my mom's eulogy at her funeral service, Karen's mom suddenly passed away after a quick battle with liver cancer and I find myself again looking back at a life into which I had the honour of being accepted.

Here are the words I shared at her service yesterday:

Alberta Elaine Bomak (1942-2013)

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains

As long as we have hope, tomorrow waits

And as long as there is Friendship, today is Beautiful

You will be hard pressed to find a better quote to sum up the way Bert saw and approached life.  She was the family historian; the keeper of the stories of the past, of the memories of yesterday. She was the eternal optimist who always saw the bright side; whose glass was always half full and who never ever let the obstacles of life get her down.  And she was a true friend to all who crossed her path; dedicated and faithful and compassionate and giving - her laugh and her smile brightened every room she entered, and all who knew her were better for the experience.

Born in Dauphin and raised in the Duck Mountains for the first 10 years, Bert nurtured the qualities that would guide her for her lifetime.  Surrounded by the abundance and beauty of nature, she fostered a deep appreciation for all living things, and found joy and beauty in even the simplest wild flower. 

Her green thumb came naturally then, and was always on display in her yard and garden in Dauphin.  Bert could spend the entire day out weeding and tending and nurturing her plants and flowers, and often did, visiting with and chatting to neighbors, themselves knee-deep in their backyard gardens.

Theres an honesty and goodness that can only be found in conversations with your fellow man, shared while each is busy with the grounded earthiness of planting, weeding and harvesting.  And Bert had that honesty and goodness in spades.

The Britcher lumber camp and sawmill also imprinted young Alberta with the essential qualities of the value of hard work and the necessity of cooperation and generosity for success in any endeavor.  The lumber business could be brutal, hard work, and it demanded strong, willing hearts and minds in order to survive and prosper, and those hearts and minds needed to be well feed and watered.  Feeding and looking after a bush camp is not for the timid or shy, and Bert carried those lessons into her family life in Dauphin.

Anyone who had the pleasure of joining Tony and Bert for meals or parties at their home on 7th Ave can attest to how easy Bert made it seem to feed an entire neighbourhood; how effortlessly she would add more plates to an already overcrowded table and make room for unexpected guests - and always Bert would give up her spot at the table for you, disappearing downstairs and quickly reappearing with more food and dainties from the freezer; complete meals in minutes, always more than enough.

And baking! Pies and cookies and desserts and dainties - she was always baking and freezing and taking trays of goodies to events and occasions.  Award winning recipes that we will forever miss, never quite able to perfect her methods just the way she did.  Like her lemon merengue pie or her cinnamon buns... And if she wasn't baking she was canning - fruits and vegetables and pickles - the shelves in the cold room overflowing with the abundance of the summer garden, and enjoyed during those long, cold winter months.

Bert loved people, and people loved Bert.  She carried a ready smile and a quick laugh and always had a story to share!  She knew her family's stories back to the Mayflower and Admiral Dewey, and was never lost for a date or a place that an event took place, and she could tell you what the weather was like that early March morning back in '52 and what they served for dinner, and who sat where around the table, and what the conversation was about that night...

But it wasn't only her family's stories she told or knew - she seemed to know everyone  and was related to half of them, and she knew all the generations and who was related to whom and how and she knew their stories too.  She knew your stories better than you did!  And when she told those stories her eyes would light up with a brightness and life that seemed to carry her on for hours, and her laugh would fill the room and she soon had everyone laughing with her. 

Her home was a warm, inviting place for all, and together with Tony they welcomed family, friends and neighbours to come in and join them and have a drink and something to eat and share some laughs and enjoy the company of others.  Any occasion was cause for a get together - the 7th Avenue crowd never needed an excuse to get together - but it was the same for Church friends, or work friends, or family friends, and more often than not, those groups began to overlap and in the end all became just good friends.

And with her, through her, all our yesterdays remained.

But as much as Bert had our yesterdays preserved, it was her outlook on life and her version of tomorrow that really defined her life. 

She was always cheery and optimistic, expecting the best and shrugging off the worst, selectively ignoring advice and information if it didnt suit her version of how things were going to be.  Happy and smiling and seemingly always in a good mood, she met life head on and kept winning the battles thrown her way.  Her health was always a concern and while she didnt always follow her doctors (or her daughter's) medical orders to a tee, her positive outlook carried her far further than maybe it should have.  It's a trait we all should consider adopting.

  

The Church played a large role in Bert's faith in the goodness and certainty of tomorrow and it played a large part in her daily life.  Tony and Bert were active members of the church, and Bert learned enough Ukrainian to be able to follow along to mass without much difficulty.  Her baking graced many a table in this hall, and as a fitting tribute, it will grace some of the tables here today as well...

Bert always had plans for tomorrow.  Places to go, friends to see, someone in the hospital to visit, something to take baking too, a trip to Winnipeg to see her doctors...

No time to worry or regret, too busy looking forward.

And then there were her todays, always filled with friendship and love; her life a beautiful, fragrant, bouquet, and each of you, all of you her friends, a unique and perfect flower in that bouquet. If Bert gave you her word, that was all you needed.  If she said she'd get it done, it got done.  It was that way at the Town office and then again at the RM office, you knew you could always count on Bert.   In return she trusted everyone with a prairie honesty and trust that still meant something, and beneath all that was a loving mutual respect for everyone she encountered.  She'd give you all she had if you needed it more than she did, and would never ask for anything in return.

To all of you who consider yourself a friend of Bert's, Karen and I would like to thank you  for helping make her life full and complete.

To Bert, friends were friends forever, and none was more dear to her heart than her true love Tony.  They may have seemed an improbable match, but in reality they were a perfect one, and together they cared and shared with each other and gave of themselves to all who knew them.  Tony's passing affected Bert deeply, but she knew she still had so much more to give and live for. 

The greatest joy of Bert and Tony's life, Karen shared an amazing relationship with Bert a bond between mother and daughter that transcended friendship and family to a much higher plane, and I can see so much of Bert's wisdom and quiet influence in Karen and how she responds to life, in how she parents, and how she treats others.   A mother's lasting legacy lives on in her daughter, and Bert you did an amazing job.

One man though captured Bert's heart like none other, and he had her wrapped around his little finger from day one.  Bert loved Riley completely and truly, and lived to have him happy and smiling - I cannot begin to tell you how many hundreds of dozens of cookies and brownies and desserts she made for him over the years; the lengths she went to ensure he would always remember Tony, or the number of games she played with him regardless of her medical condition or level of fitness.  And in return he loved her fiercely and loyally and grew up guided by her love and support and her character.

The usual summer routine of Karen and Riley visiting and staying with Bert for a few weeks while Riley took swimming lessons, Riley helping Ba in the garden, his little boy voice still on her answering machine... Those days left a real impression on him and again, I can see alot of Bert in him too.

While going through things at the house, Karen and I found a letter written by Bert, for Riley, to be read when he turned 18 - one of those time capsule Letter to the Future things, and it seems appropriate to share with all of you today, in Bert's own words, her advice for Riley:

Dear Riley,

When your mother was born we thought it was the happiest day of our life, but when you were born we were even happier.  We love you dearly and will enjoy all the days we spend with you as you grow up.  The following is some words of wisdom given to me by my Aunt Gertrude on Sept 27, 1962 (I was 20 years old.)

"Use what talents you possess.  The woods would be a silent place if no birds sang there except those that sang the best.  Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.  In marriage it is not as important to marry the right person as to be the right partner."

I hope that you will be to your Dad and Mom what your mother is to us.  She was a joy to raise, was very considerate and loving and gave us many reasons to be proud of her.  Especially the good mother that she has been to you.

My advice to you Riley is the same as what I gave your mother: Do in life what you want to do.  Not what your parents or other people expect or want you to do, and you will always be happy.

Love Ba and Gigi

Friends and family.  They were the cornerstone of Bert's everyday life, and ensured that for her each day was beautiful.

On March 15th, 1942, Alberta Elaine Britcher was born and the world would become a better place.  On June 19th, 2013, Bert Bomak peacefully passed away, and the world will never be the same.

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Rest in Peace Bert, Thanks for Everything.