Renewal and Change: Time to tackle the crap

Somehow it became June.  Not that middle of June with the beginning intensity of summer that lasts until late September; this year early June is more like late May with fruit trees still in bloom, flowers finally daring to stand proudly in the gardens and the true feeling of the change of season turning the corner at last.

The greenhouses are doing brisk business these days as the winter-dwellers emerge to rediscover the outdoors and attempt to reclaim their mastery over the landscape. Trucks are busy delivering yards of black earth and soil and decorative bark and stone as yards begin their yearly transformation and the streets are lined on garbage day with paper bags full of the trimmings and prunings and remains of last year ready to be composted into next year.

The ceremony of renewal and change has begun.

It’s June and up here that means the final days of school are underway, exams and graduations and the cleaning up of another school year before the halls fall silent for a few months.  Stressful times for some – those ending this particular chapter of their lives and embarking on the next – and less so for others – those who have a few more years to go until they too wear the cap and gown and pretend they’re ready to take on the challenges of Life, though these years of high school present enough opportunities for drama and intrigue to fill an entire season of Hallmark after school specials.

We should know, but that’s a story (or a book) for another time…

Somehow April and May got away from us, well that’s not entirely true – it’s just that they were filled with circumstances and events that caused time and place to shift as required in order to achieve some semblance of balance and order – but now suddenly time has passed and we stand looking back as we catch our breath and realize nothing stands still ‘out there’ regardless of what’s happening ‘in here.’

I’ve been busy the last few days cleaning out the old garage and establishing a plan for the new one – figuring out where everything will go and how it needs to look in order to provide us with optimal storage and functionality going forward.  This has been in the works since the new addition was constructed and closed in – but it isn’t a process that can be rushed or quickly designed – at least not for me – there is an organic, natural way I inhabit a space that takes time to fully appreciate and understand exactly how I interact with it and how it needs to be for me to feel centered and at home in the space.  I require time to use it in its barest sense to get comfortable and familiar before making lasting change.  I suspect we all have this trait though many are more able to adapt freely to their environments than I, or they don’t have the luxury of time to sort such things out. 

The old garage has been my space since we moved in here back in ’95 and it has grown and changed in nature and purpose to suit our needs and my needs as I have changed and demanded more or less from it in exchange.  From simple storage and basic, crude workshop space with a handful of simple, cheap tools that managed to turn out the early storage cabinetry and carpentry skills for a young married couple finding their way as homeowners; to a more finely tuned and focused workspace with specialized, professional tools that allowed a business to grow and provide for a young family; and then to an injured, quieter, shadow of its former self, at the ready should it be called into service, but slowly hidden behind a veneer of bigger more pressing projects and demands, and requiring dedicated time and motivation to return it to a state of workability.

As I sifted through the shelves and cupboards and laid the contents out in the bigger, newer confines, I felt an inner rawness that comes with taking stock of what you have and really looking at it to assess its value and appropriateness for you and whether it will serve you moving forward, deciding if it should stay or if it’s time to say goodbye.

Stuff accumulates and gets piled up in corners and behind things without you realizing it, even though you see it every day.  Easier to keep it just because, than to have to take the time to really decide what it is and why you have it and what to do with whatever-it-is.  Easier to stay with the tried and true than the new and unknown.

But we need to make room for the new and improved while still carrying the old and trusted with us, though it requires patience and dedication to the task, and a careful, honest eye to accurately measure the needs and wants and balance them with the available size and space and time and energy.  You can’t do this for someone else – you can guide him or her and assist them and lend a hand, but they have to do the heavy lifting themselves.  They have to own the stuff in question or the real decisions can’t be made about what it means and what to do with it.  That can be a painful process.  Layers of dust and time settle on our stuff and our attachment to things can become tied to feelings over time instead of the concrete objectivity that once existed.

Ignoring the stuff might be easier in the short term – it doesn’t hurt if you don’t have to dig in and take stock, right?

Maybe.  For a little while, sure.  But not in the long term.  In order to free yourself from the disquieting chaos you’ve ignored in there over time, you have to finally decide to wade in and get real about things.  And that means you are going to get dusty and dirty and you will have to fully commit to creating a new dynamic with yourself.  You can’t just pull out all the stuff you have in that old garage and blow the dust off and tidy up the piles and set everything back up on shiny new shelves and trick yourself into feeling good about the exercise.  You haven’t really accomplished anything at that point – not if you are being honest with yourself. 

You’ve just rearranged your crap.

We all know what we need for our ‘crap.’ This isn’t news: a place for everything and everything in its place.  Pretty simple huh?  Yeah, but not so easy though, is it?  If you’re anything like me you have a decent sized pile of stuff laying around – stuff that still has value and is needed and used but that probably isn’t where it needs to be in order for you to feel productive and efficient with it.  Problem is you have to decide at some point what your stuff is and whether you really need it, and if you do, where to put it and how so you will know it’s there when you need it later.

And you probably don’t have places for all the stuff you think you want or need.

So you need to drag it all out, piece by piece, collect it all together so you can really see what you have.  You might be surprised what you’ve been collecting over the years and why. 

Why did I keep that old Planter’s Peanuts tin of used, bent nails that has always sat ontop of the tool cupboard in the corner behind the door?  Sure I appreciate the antique, blue tin, but why keep the useless nails inside it?  And what about the boxes of old light switches and receptacles from when we upgraded the electrical almost 20 years ago?  A broken drill?  Instructions and manuals for tools I’ve since replaced twice now?  And automotive light bulbs from which car now?  You don’t even remember what some of this stuff is or why you still have it…

So it’s time to move on.  Acknowledge it, appreciate that at one time you had need for it but now it doesn’t suit who you are and where you are going or what you are presently doing, and then let it go.  Garbage what needs throwing out, recycle what can be reused or repurposed – whatever you need to do to feel okay with getting rid of that past.

What you are left with after going through all your crap is what you really need and what really means something to you.  (Not what you thought you had or what you remembered you had.)  That in itself can be freeing.  We can attach some pretty deep emotions to our stuff – and it can prevent us from getting real about what things truly are and why we have them.  Yes, this old hand saw was my grandfather’s – they don’t make them like this anymore, and yes it is a connection to the past – but is it something I need in my life? Is the idea of the connection to the past what is important about this old rusty saw with its weathered wooden handle? Or is it an appreciation of the craftsmanship of the tool itself coupled with the connection to the past that keeps it on the pegboard along side newer models that I actually use? Occasionally use.  Okay, seldom use.

So it stays – but it doesn’t need to be easily accessible or take up valuable real estate in the new garage – it can be appreciated from a distance. Done. Next!

Now you need to figure out how to store it so you will see it and know what it is when you need it (if you need it but can’t find it, it doesn’t really help does it?)  I’ve purchased some wire racking that hangs from the ceiling above the overhead door – using those awkward, usually inaccessible spaces for your once-a-while stuff (like Christmas tree boxes and ornaments and lights etc) helps make the most of out whatever limited amount of space you have to store your stuff.  Oddly enough I had stacks of plywood and off-cut lengths of boards in the garage that could be repurposed as shelves and supports and bracing for shelves and supports.  You might need to go buy some – it’s worth your time to get exactly what you need and have it fit your space and your stuff.  Trust me.  There is nothing worse than a bastardized storage system that doesn’t really fit anything you own.  You’ll curse and swear at it every time you try to get something off the shelves or out of the too-small space or worse if you have to separate things to make them fit…

Plus it can be unsafe.

I relocated cupboards and custom built storage shelving from the old space into the new, needing to modify some to fit the new locations in order to allow the cars to fit in the garage alongside the ‘stuff’ and I took the time to paint the lower sections of shelving and cabinetry white to make it brighter and more easy to see where everything is.  Again, your stuff needs to be accessible to you when you need it.  Then I began the process of collecting the related items and putting them away in their places.  Trying my best to order and group them as I went along.

I’m guessing by now you can see why this process takes time, but also why you keep putting off doing it.  It isn’t easy.  I didn’t say it was.  It is necessary though if you want to get a handle on your crap; your stuff; your belongings and your ties to all of it. It’s an investment in you.  And that is important.

I’m not finished out there yet.  I don’t know if I will ever truly be finished organizing and storing my belongings to get them the way they need to be for me to feel like everything is finally in its place.

I think that’s the story of my life.  Probably of your life too if you stop and really think about it.  There are too few places where we feel like we belong in this world.  Where we know with absolute certainty that we are where we are supposed to be and doing what is really meaningful and important – to us and to those around us.  When you find one of those places, you need to stop and stay there awhile; take a good look around and touch the ground, the sky, the walls – feel it, know it, live it.  Become a part of that place, and make it yours.  Take it with you and keep it with you so you can fully be wherever it is you find yourself, knowing you are able to leave your mark along the way as you move through.  Even if its just for short periods of your spare time.

Maybe it’s your new garage – or your current one.  It might be your basement, or closet, or your desk or filing cabinet.  Pretty sure it’s your garden and flowerbeds and the front lawn.  And if you’re really being honest about it, it’s your life in general and the people you invite in and keep with you and those that somehow seem to find a way to stay in your life even though you know they shouldn’t be…

Chances are you have your share of pruning and weeding and cleaning up and dusting off to do too.  And you’ll soon have bags of last year’s debris on your curb, making room for next year’s too.  Renewal and change.

If you’ll excuse me, I know where I need to be right now.  You?